Today’s episode of Raising Good Humans Podcast is YOURS TRULY reading Chapter 5 of my new book, The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans. Chapter is 5 is all about RELATIONSHIPS, one of the 5 essential R’s, and certainly one of the most important principles in child development.
A critical component to being present for or with someone else, is to be present with ourselves first. But that is HARD. Here is a quick relationship exercise I share in the book to try right now.
Meeting Yourself Where You Are
Attachment relationships thrive in the context of presence, so anything we can do to practice being present with ourselves is going to help us become more and more natural at clicking into presence in our relationships. Set your timer for five or ten minutes. Sit somewhere comfortable and allow yourself to relax. Allow yourself to look around where you are. Look for the colors around you in the room, the light and the darkness. Take in your environment.
Notice five things you see in the room. For example, “I'm noticing the chair. I'm noticing that there's light coming in the window. I'm noticing the stack of books in the corner. I'm noticing my cat looks kind of feral. I'm noticing that I need a pedicure.”
Allow your eyes to close. Let your shoulders relax and your arms and hands rest. Think of yourself arriving with a sense of dignity and alertness, a sense of presence and relaxation. And just notice the sounds. Listen and notice. For example, “I'm hearing the air conditioning. I hear the little footsteps of my dog.” Maybe you hear a car going by. So, just notice five sounds.
Now you've noticed five things that you saw. You're noticing five sounds that you heard, and then you take a pause and a breath and you start to notice: “Is there something that I can taste or smell or anything I can think of that brings to mind a taste or smell?” “Does the room smell like spit up?” Can you imagine the taste of chocolate ice cream?
Touch the chair you're sitting on or the floor or the steering wheel in front of you, because the only five minutes you have is when you're waiting to pick up kid number three from preschool. Notice the texture of that steering wheel. Go through each of your senses, breathing through what you notice.
Now, take a pause and notice the state of your heart. Is there curiosity? Is there exhaustion? Is there sadness? Is there excitement? Is there tenderness? You're doing this with the intention of noticing. You're not making any judgments. Just feel your body. Now open your eyes, arriving exactly present where you are.
This is exactly the place from which you can be the parent you want to be more often than not. This is exactly the place from which you can raise good humans.
Now that you’re present, maybe you want to read and dig more into relationships and attachment. Beside buying the book (thank you), here are a few articles and podcast episodes that can help on your journey to learn more.
On substack:
From the podcast:
A quick reminder to buy my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting, and write a review from wherever you order. Reviews really help to get the book noticed, and to spread the word. Please especially rate and review any books purchased on Amazon (it shockingly really, really matters!). Also, when you receive the book, snap a quick pic with it and post on social media. Share one thing you love about it and help me to get more copies into the hands of parents in your community. Tell a friend about the book, or about something you found helpful in the book. Parents look to each other for advice, and I’d love to be a part of the support you pass on to your loved ones.