What temperament type do you value?
What temperament type do you value?
Understanding how our culture shapes our view on temperament
Thanks for reading Raising Good Humans on Substack! My first book, The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans is now available for purchase here.
As a developmental psychologist, temperament and the role it plays alongside the environment (remember that “parenting” is considered the biggest environmental influence on our children) is of central focus. And, as the mother of two children with very different temperaments, I’m a constant witness to the beauty of temperament.
In order to understand temperament and the role it plays in development, we must acknowledge the way in which it is celebrated, or punished, by our culture and society. In this latest episode of Raising Good Humans Podcast, developmental psychologist Dr. Koraly Perez-Edgar tells a story about how an inhibited temperament was once rewarded in Chinese society, and then frowned upon just 15 years later. While no biological changes had occurred, the idea of what was valued, or revered, had changed. Quiet and steady leaders? Replaced by charismatic and outgoing ones! This story resonates so strongly with our current society's obsession with outgoing, exuberant temperament types.
In the United States, we have particular temperaments that we value more than others, in classrooms, in homes, and in the larger society.
Dr. Aliza Pressman
As Dr. Perez-Edgar explains, early in the Century, researchers were focused on the parenting environment as being largely responsible for children’s outcomes. In this view, parents were led to believe that if they behaved “just so,” they could ensure that their children would turn out “just so.” Parents were held responsible for their children’s outcomes (as measured against the standards of society at the moment), and blamed, if their child did not display the risk-taking, entrepreneurial drive that was considered “ideal” at the time. Inhibited children were considered the “fault” of their parenting environment, and even a diagnosis like autism was presumed to be the result of parenting style and effort.
Slowly, beginning in the 1970s, researchers again returned to the idea of temperament (an idea as old as the Greeks!). More and more, it was acknowledged that the child played a role in who they would become (though also shaped by environment), and that their own disposition mattered to their likes, dislikes, strengths, and eventual outcomes. Instead of claiming that a child was predetermined to be a certain way, robbing them of agency, our current view of temperament began to emerge - a balance between who our children are AND the environment that surrounds them.
We, as a society, worry about the inhibited child, not the exuberant child.
Dr. Koraly Perez-Edgar
So, how do we begin to understand our child’s temperament? Well, here are some of my favorite pieces to get started…
More than just understanding our children, we must confront our own temperament to assess our Goodness of Fit - the match between our children’s temperament and our own! Here are some pieces that have been part of this conversation :)
And finally, a reminder that we can all benefit from examining our own feelings around temperament. No matter how much we try, or how sensitive we are, our children need to feel loved for exactly who they are - not who we wish they would be.
A quick reminder to buy my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting, and write a review from wherever you order. Reviews really help to get the book noticed, and to spread the word. Please especially rate and review any books purchased on Amazon (it shockingly really, really matters!). Also, when you receive the book, snap a quick pic with it and post on social media. Share one thing you love about it and help me to get more copies into the hands of parents in your community. Tell a friend about the book, or about something you found helpful in the book. Parents look to each other for advice, and I’d love to be a part of the support you pass on to your loved ones.