Trick or treat?
5 tips to handling Halloween this year
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Do you think Halloween is…
A) too much chaos, endless candy, skimpy costumes, creepy masks, late night parties, terrified toddlers
OR
B) joy, happy memories, family bonding, and candy corn pumpkins that you can’t get any other time of year and nobody else likes?
There are so many feelings about Halloween.
Adding to the general chaos this year are increased safety concerns in many cities. Some parents are trick-or-treating earlier, avoiding crowded areas or neighborhoods, and some are skipping altogether. If Halloween is your jam, go forth, enjoy and let them eat buckets of candy. If Halloween stresses you out, here are 5 tips to help make this Halloween a little easier with toddlers and school-aged kids.
Talk through costumes.
Letting your child pick their own costume (after the age of 2, enjoy infancy!) is a great way to promote autonomy. If you can, honor their choice. If you have concerns about the costume (especially for the tweens), share them with your child and work to find a solution that works for both of you. Find out what your child hopes to achieve with their costume, and share any context or perspective that may help them understand how you see it. When possible, make sure your child’s costume is comfortable (especially for the youngest kids), weather appropriate, and safe (can be seen in the dark or has reflective tape for the littles of the bunch).
Make a plan.
For the little ones, make sure to start festivities after a full dinner, and well before bedtime (while reminding yourself that bedtime is likely to be delayed even with the most meticulous planning). Talk through what they can expect, what your rules will be (your night will be easier if you set expectations around common points of tension from how much candy to eat, to staying close to you, or in pairs), and what time you will go home. Help them to repeat the plan back. For the older school aged crew, sit down for a family conversation around expectations, freedoms, limits and safety. Make sure that kids stay in pairs, have a grown-up near or with them, and keep you up to date on their whereabouts. If it is time to set the older school aged kids off on their own, talk to your kids about being aware of their surroundings, trusting their gut if situations feel uncomfortable, and what to do if they need help. Offer your child a quick escape plan too, in case they need or want to come home. Creating a secret word (for example, banana) can be a great way for them to secretly signal to you when they have had it but don’t want to admit to being overwhelmed around their friends.
Set expectations around candy.
You don’t have to have any rules about candy (I'm no dentist!), but if you want to have limits, you need to let your child know. Many parents choose to “sort” candy as a family (not to be a huge dork but what a great opportunity for categorizing and counting) - thus avoiding battles between siblings, allowing parents to throw away any open or suspicious items, and creating “piles'' for kids to eat now and later. For the younger kids, if you are worried about candy overload, you might consider allowing a certain number of pieces on Halloween night, and then one or two pieces of candy a day for the next week. For the older bunch, you may decide to leave candy in a communal location in the house, and make it available, but out of bedrooms (if for no other reason, hoarding candy can lead to bugs and mess). For other families, donating candy to worthy causes may start a tradition around service, or kick off the holiday season. Maybe you want to drop it all off at the local fire station and even say you are doing so BEFORE trick or treating starts. Whatever you decide, talking about it before can save you some struggles later. Err on the side of more explanation rather than less, and involve your kids in the process. When in doubt, don’t make food a source of tension.
Beware of the scare.
Age is not necessarily an indication of how scary your child may find aspects of Halloween. Costumes, strangers, haunted houses, and decorations can all provoke fear in young children. Take your child's fears seriously, offer them support and leave or avoid situations if you need to. For the younger set, remind them that masks may be scary, but the people underneath are just kids. Ask someone to lift theirs up as proof if it helps, or do a quick check in the peep hole before you let them open the door. And for sure know that your infants and toddlers will likely prefer your face and hair to look familiar. For the older kids, make sure to talk about ways they can manage fears or getting “freaked out.” Talk to them about what to anticipate as well, like horror movies or gore, and how to keep themselves safe from content that frightens them.
Flexibility is key.
Halloween is happening with or without your permission. Try to use the occasion to enjoy watching your child partake in the festivities, to get to know their friends, to witness their imagination and creativity, and to have some fun. Tapping into our child-like selves for the little ones, or creating opportunities for autonomy for the older ones, is an important way we can show our children that we value their interests too! Maybe even let them pick out your costume.
Have fun!!
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My daughter, son-in-law, and two children have created a yearly tradition of having supper and then trick or treating in the neighborhood as a group with two other families. (The adults are friends from work.) We grandparents were invited this year and everyone had a blast. The big kids ran ahead, and the smaller one tagged along with hands held when needed. Of course, too much candy was harvested and parents decide how much the kids got to eat and keep for later. So fun.