The Strengths We Don’t See

Recognizing the hidden gifts of children diagnosed with Autism

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Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

In honor of World Autism Awareness Day (April 2nd), I spent some time this week talking with Dr. Lynn Kern Koegel about the hidden strengths of children with Autism and how to support families with children diagnosed with ASD. So often, in both medical and developmental circles, we talk about autism in terms of deficits and weaknesses. However, greater understanding of autism and autism spectrum disorders has demonstrated just how many strengths these children (and adults) have to offer the world. As with so many things, it is our own misunderstandings of this diagnosis, and not autism itself, that prevents us from fully embracing and supporting this community.

“I love the idea that we can get to a place in the world where we don't whisper the word autism.” -Dr. Aliza Pressman

Let’s start with some of the myths around autism. On this week’s episode, Dr. Lynn Kern Koegel helps me to break down two of the most common myths she sees in her practice.

#1 Autistic Children (and adults) Aren’t Social.

We know from the work of Dr. Kern Koegel and other researchers in the field that even children who do not develop spoken language seek connection with others. Most kids diagnosed with ASD  report wanting social connection, desiring friends and social outlets, and wishing to be a part of the social world they see around them. Despite the very real communication challenges that autistic children may face, and the level of support often required, they typically do not want to be left alone. We need to work in our schools and communities to find ways to foster connection, to facilitate friendships, and to build social networks for these children to thrive.

#2 Autistic Children Don’t Make Progress.

In the early days of autism diagnosis, the medical community was unsure about how much progress children could make. Today, however, we have lots of examples of successful therapies and interventions for children with autism. We see children gaining new skills and improving with a wide variety of customized and consistent support, and there is no reason to think that an autism diagnosis means that a child will not improve. Instead of trying to make treatments work for everyone, we need to focus on tailoring treatments to individual children, families, and needs. By tweaking what we offer to find new ways to motivate, and using existing strengths to empower children, we can (and do) see real progress. As with so many things in this field, let’s remember that the problem isn’t that children can’t learn, but because we haven’t found an effective way to teach them.

Dr. Kern Koegel and I also spent time talking about just how many hidden talents children with autism bring to the community. Whether it is passion for a particular subject, increased dedication and focus, or just another way of seeing a problem or challenge, there are so many successful people in the world who have found ways to use their gifts in meaningful ways.

“We've gotten so narrow in our thinking that some behaviors just aren't acceptable to employers. We need to really rethink that and educate the broader society to realize:  if you hire someone with autism, they may never be late to work.” -Dr. Lynn Kern Koegel

We can and need to celebrate our children’s strengths. It is one of our most essential jobs. We can all find the unique and special qualities our children have and nurture, acknowledge, celebrate, and support them. If a child has an intense focus on a particular subject, we can indulge that curiosity. If a child has a different way of seeing the world, we can listen and learn from them. There is always more we can do to highlight for our children how much we can grow and stretch from the challenges we face, and how those same challenges can become our greatest strengths. (check out my article on anxiety as a superpower, a similar concept, here)