Summer And New Freedoms
Summer And New Freedoms
Working with your child to discover new opportunities
Thanks for reading Raising Good Humans on Substack! My first book, The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans is now available for purchase here.
There is a real tension between desired freedom and parental control.
Granting freedoms to your children - and finding a way to celebrate and support independence and autonomy - has numerous positive outcomes in the research. Confidence, self-esteem, responsibility, even decision-making and critical thinking. We know that our children - from an early age - crave opportunities to be independent. This is a natural desire and a great one! But many of our daily parenting practices limit that autonomy, as we fight for control over what our children do and, sometimes, who they are.
Summer is a natural chance to reset that. It is a time to find new opportunities to expand your child’s horizon, to let them take on new challenges, to let them fail safely while in the comfort of your care. Granting freedoms doesn’t have to be scary (for either of you), and can have some powerful benefits for both parties. By taking on new opportunities, to practice skills and earn trust, the parent-child relationship can actually be strengthened, and children can feel respected and grateful in a new way.
Creating a “freedoms list” is one way to talk about desired freedoms, good choices and consistent behavior. This is NOT an overnight process, so going step-by-step can help to model for your child all the responsibility that comes with independence!
Let your child know you have noticed they have more wants then they are allowed, and suggest a one-on-one sit down to come up with some solutions.
Come up with a list of all of their desired freedoms. Young children may need some help with suggestions, but likely the older set have them top of mind. Examples are a later bedtime, attending a certain party or event, traveling alone to school or a friend's house, being able to make their own breakfast, etc.
Arrange their list in order of what is possible now, and what needs to wait until later.
Express your excitement for them to have more freedom, and take on more independence. Join them in imagining how fun that independence will be, and how it will feel. This establishes you as a collaborator, not a naysayer.
Connect freedoms to readiness. Talk about what skills your child can build upon, the choices they can make that will support them having additional freedoms, and what they would need to do to show you that they are ready. Convey optimism for their ability to reach all of their desired freedom, and meet their challenges with confidence and positivity. You are on the same team.
Remind yourself: This is not about a power struggle or control. This is about helping them learn the skills needed to take on more and more responsibility.
Of course, supporting autonomy doesn’t stop here. This is one step on a long pathway that leads to more competent and confident kids, and greater rewards for both of you.
A quick reminder to buy my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting, and write a review from wherever you order. Reviews really help to get the book noticed, and to spread the word. Please especially rate and review any books purchased on Amazon (it shockingly really, really matters!). Also, when you receive the book, snap a quick pic with it and post on social media. Share one thing you love about it and help me to get more copies into the hands of parents in your community. Tell a friend about the book, or about something you found helpful in the book. Parents look to each other for advice, and I’d love to be a part of the support you pass on to your loved ones.