Raising Understanding Kids

Perspective-Taking is Crucial for Kids

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Photo by nine koepfer on Unsplash

Particularly now, the world can feel like a confusing place, even for adults. Imagine trying to navigate it as a child, with limited experience and a still-developing understanding of complex social dynamics. Adding a constant stream of information -often conflicting- about global events, social issues, and politics, and it’s no surprise our kids might feel overwhelmed and uncertain. 

This week on the Raising Good Humans Podcast, friend and colleague, Dr. Tovah Klein, and I are talking about resilience in times of uncertainty.

While it may be easy to feel hopeless when you’re overwhelmed by what you cannot control (check out this episode with Kate Bowler from last month, and the article here for more), we constantly have to face the uncertain winds and help our children move through them.

In this environment, fostering perspective-taking – the ability to understand and appreciate viewpoints different from our own – becomes not just a valuable social skill, but an essential tool for navigating life. It is not an understatement that it could heal the world. Teaching our children to step into another person's shoes allows them to build empathy, respect diversity, and develop stronger relationships, all while fostering a sense of understanding in an often divisive world.

The irony of the charged moment is that our children hear a lot of varying perspectives. Social media, news outlets, and even their own classrooms present a constant influx of differing opinions and beliefs. Some are very loud, very passionate, and even very divisive. But while this exposure can be enriching, it can also be a source of confusion and conflict. What do you do when you feel like people are angry at each other? When it feels like there is no middle ground?

In an increasingly polarized world, understanding opposing viewpoints is key to bridging divides and fostering respectful dialogue. Perspective-taking helps children see beyond "right" and "wrong" and recognize the validity of different experiences and beliefs. It isn’t about convincing someone else that they are wrong, it is about making space for everyone to have a feeling, an opinion, and a viewpoint. While this isn’t an overnight process, it is building empathy (caring about the feelings of others) over time. Empathy fosters kindness, reduces bullying, and helps children to navigate disagreements peacefully. It is the key to peaceful discord! With greater perspective taking we can appreciate diverse viewpoints (even within friendships), and build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Remember, it’s not about agreeing, but instead finding a way to disagree effectively and respectfully.

By considering different perspectives, children also practice critical thinking skills. They learn to analyze information critically and form their own informed opinions. Are people the way we say they are, or does their personal experience change that view? Working to build perspective-taking skills helps children become discerning consumers of information and active, engaged citizens. From there, the ability to understand and adapt to different perspectives hopefully equips children with the resilience and flexibility they need to face change and uncertainty. It may just be the most important skill for the future.

My 5 favorite ways to promote perspective-taking starting now- no need to wait for an election or more strife.

1. Model it. Children learn by watching us, and we are not always a great example. Hold off on some of the vitriol, and work toward understanding instead. This isn’t easy, and it isn’t about being fake, but instead about adding compassion to your commitment, and some empathy to your argument. Make a conscious effort to demonstrate empathy and understanding in your own interactions. Try phrases like, “I wonder what they are thinking,” or, “Maybe that is how they were raised” to help discuss how others might be feeling in different situations. 

2. Learn together.  Try to consume information alongside your children. For the older ones, that may mean sharing good news articles, or getting a few library books that can help provide some context or history on an issue. Books are powerful tools for exploring different perspectives. For younger kids, choose stories that feature diverse characters and situations, and discuss the characters' motivations, feelings, and experiences. Biographies are geared for all ages these days, so take advantage of the real life stories that can help children gain experience outside of their own worlds. Help children to understand that complex problems rarely have simple solutions.

3. Get playful. For younger kids, try "role-playing" what it is like to be someone else. From the chef to the teacher, to explaining an argument from a sibling’s perspective, playing pretend can help kids to find places where we are similar, and how it feels to be different.

4. Explore "what if" scenarios. Present hypothetical situations and ask children to consider how different people might feel or react. For example, "What if you had never met someone who was different" or "What if you couldn’t get to school easily?"

5. Talk about feelings (no, not obsessively, but we need to have capacity to talk about them). When you talk about feelings, kids learn to identify and label their own emotions. This gives them the words to express themselves and understand what's happening inside. By building emotional vocabulary – not just happy and sad, but also frustrated, disappointed, anxious, etc. – kids develop a richer understanding of their own inner world and, by extension, the inner worlds of others. Feelings talk also helps kids to explore why they feel a certain way, and connect their emotions to their experiences. Over time, as kids understand their own emotional responses, they can start to imagine how others might feel in similar situations. For example, "If I feel sad when my mom is away, maybe my friend feels sad when his mom leaves."

Though we are focused on children, the benefits of perspective-taking extend far beyond the early years. We have to believe that teaching these skills now lays a foundation for future generations to find tolerance and understanding that we haven’t yet mastered (trying to have a growth mindset). And who knows? Beyond politics and wars, improved perspective-taking skills can help us in the workplace, in our relationships (marriage counseling is primarily focused on this type of communication), and in our own mental health. Here’s to trying.

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