Unlikely Parenting Lessons from Logan Roy
A psychologist's take on Succession
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After watching a truly GREAT episode of television, I’ve decided to use Succession as inspiration for this week’s podcast.
Why? Because this is a really fun way to understand Coercive Parenting through a pop culture lens. Coercive Parenting is a type of Authoritarian Parenting that uses control in a particularly manipulative way. Specifically, Logan Roy uses emotional control and power. Talking about the Roy family presents an opportunity to dive deeper into our understanding around the complexity of parent-child relationships. Logan is a classically authoritarian (“my way or the highway”) parent but the particular brand of this authoritarian style is what is damaging. His coerciveness regularly communicates that his love is conditional. His kids are accepted, loved, and supported only when they are compliant. His endorsement is the most important aspect of these children's lives, and he wields his affection, as to give and take his love, according to who best serves him and reflects the image he supports. This power dynamic even allows Logan to get his children to act in ways that go against their desires and best interests. Eager to maintain control over their childrens’ lives and choices, coercive parents work to disrupt other potentially meaningful relationships, take down any attempt at the creation of boundaries, and continuously establish alliances and loyalty markers.
Here’s an example of coercive parenting:
The research is clear that this kind of repeated and unnamed emotional manipulation is harmful. Coercive parenting leads to higher levels of psychopathology in children and teens, increased social dysfunction, negative peer relationships, risk for bullying, and higher likelihood of substance use and eating disorders. There are also associations between this type of parent child relationship and the risk of intimate partner violence in the future.
Another possible outcome is the effect of coercive parenting on a child’s self-esteem and sense of belonging. The identity of these children is inextricably linked to their parent’s judgment and the unrealistic, unpredictable and often irrational set of expectations laid out for them. The lack of a sense of self and the notion that they are valued and loved for who they are can be seen in the following clip.
And while this is just a TV show, these writers have allowed us to see inside the long-term effect of this type of parenting, and the adult child struggling to come to terms with these issues. We see this in the next episode as Kendall struggles to feel secure in his father’s decision for him to lead the company.
Kendall: He made me hate him and he died. I don’t think he liked me.
Frank: He was an old bastard and he loved you. He loved you.
Kendall: You think?
Frank: I think so…
After all that has happened, Kendall is fueled by even a vague hint that his father may have actually liked him. Once. We can only imagine what comes next (I’ll stay tuned and perhaps report back).
One more thought:
Maybe you read this and you're wondering, “If not this parenting style, then what?” For you, I’m reposting some of my previous writing about parenting styles. Enjoy!
In the context of developmental research, “parenting style” refers to the psychological construct that explains a particular approach to parenting. These broad parenting styles, originally constructed by Dr. Diana Baumarind, can be useful to see where you land and help keep a north star for your parenting intentions, but they are not meant to define you. We all fluctuate in terms of our balance of limits and sensitivity (the 2 dimensions of parenting style), and are hardly fixed in our style for the duration of our parenting journey. It is also important to note that more understanding is needed as to how these translate across cultures and outside of the United States. While child development research suggests that authoritative parenting is associated with better long term outcomes for children (most of my advice tends to support an authoritative approach), but how you translate what that means will evolve with context, culture and temperament.
The Categories:
Categorizing parents according to whether they are high or low on parental sensitivity and demandingness (think of demandingness as limit setting, control and boundaries) creates a typology of four parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved.
Authoritarian
Parents are highly demanding but not responsive.
Obedience oriented, strict and controlling.
“Because I said so” parenting that leaves little to discussion.
Expectation that children can not disagree with authority figure.
Authoritative
Parents are both demanding and responsive.
Clear standards for their children’s conduct, expressed with warmth.
Rely on natural consequences to teach children how to learn from making their own mistakes.
Explanation around why rules are important.
Even when they disagree, willing to listen to their children’s point of view and compromise.
Permissive/indulgent
Parents are more responsive than they are demanding.
“Indulgent parents” who have few limits on their child’s behavior.
Allow children to set their own rules, schedules and activities.
Do little to share their own views on behavior and discipline.
Uninvolved
Parents are low in both responsiveness and demandingness.
In extreme cases, this parenting style might entail neglect and rejection.
Those parents are not reading this newsletter.
Likely, you see yourself in many of these categories depending on the issue or topic. For example, some of us feel strongly about manners but are less rigid around other aspects of behavior. Some of us want compliance around certain issues (or for safety), but choose to promote autonomy around others. That’s why the research suggests that the Authoritative style - a blend of limits and sensitivity (or demands and responsiveness) - is associated with the most positive outcomes for children, relational and intellectual.
Thank you for this parenting style breakdown. My fiancé and I have postponed living together because of our vastly different parenting approaches. My boys are still at home (teens) whereas his kids are adults (with children of their own). As I see it, he uses shame as a coercive tactic: "what were you thinking?" "Why can't you do this? Your peers can". He falls rather squarely in the "authoritarian" style. He believes kids should do as he says no matter what - even if they are not developmentally or physically capable. I fall somewhere between "authoritative" and "permissive". I lead with love and warmth and am open to negotiation and compromise - I respect their autonomy and provide clear reasonable boundaries. But I will admit I may be too gentle for raising strong boys so I am open to new perspectives.
I will value these descriptions when again conversing with my man about how to find a comfy compromise between our styles. He won't be directly parenting when we do live together- the boys as too old, I think. But we will all need to feel good about each other and my man biting his tongue out of disapproval all day is no way to live for anyone.
I have been enjoying your content!
Love Succession and love your take on it!