Parental Mental Health Matters
My extraordinary conversation with Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy
Thanks for reading Raising Good Humans on Substack! My first book, The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans is now available for purchase here.
In this week’s episode of Raising Good Humans Podcast, I had the privilege of having another conversation with United States Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy. This time, we focused on his latest advisory, which calls attention to the pressure and stress on parents in this country.
“With this Advisory, I am calling for a fundamental shift in how we value and prioritize the mental health and well-being of parents. I am also outlining policies, programs, and individual actions we can all take to support parents and caregivers.” Dr. Vivek Murthy
Both personally and professionally, this advisory comes as a welcome elevation of the work I have been trying to do to support parents through my book, the podcast, and this Substack. I know how much parents are struggling, and having a voice in leadership, particularly having our Surgeon General, validating this experience is crucial. Parental mental health and well-being matters - for our children, for our communities, and for ourselves.
Where should we start?
In the advisory, Dr. Murthy outlines suggestions for policy makers, for employers, and for individual parents. I’m hoping that everyone who reads this advisory or listens to this interview will take action. It is easier than we think.
What Dr. Murthy wants every parent to know.
Your well-being matters. Taking time to do anything for yourself is important. Filling your own tank - even in the smallest of ways - benefits your health and allows you to better care for your loved ones. Prioritizing your own needs is not selfish, it is the only thing that makes parenting sustainable.
You are not alone. 63 million of us are parenting children under the age of 18. That’s a lot of people who know the strain, the joy, the overwhelming nature of parenting. If we could have each other’s back, if we could talk openly about what we feel and what we need, we could find comfort and reassurance in the community we have.
If this feels hard, it is not you. Parenting at this moment in time is harder. Not only do we have the challenges that generations before us have had, but we have the added pressure of isolation, loneliness, social media, and achievement pressure. We are not less capable, the expectations just keep piling up.
What do we do with this?
Talk more openly with fellow parents and friends about our struggles. If we can break the social media born perception that “everyone is doing this better than we are,” we can begin to be honest about our experiences. There is real comfort in hearing that everyone struggles with the same concerns, that all children challenge or push us, that the demands of parenting feel outside of all of our abilities, that the joys of parenting outweigh the hard stuff (most of the time).
Be willing to ask for and receive help. Why is getting help so hard? If we can work to make asking for help a strength and not a weakness, more of us would be willing to lean on each other, to support each other, and to share the burdens of parenting. A car pool can change your life, find hours in your day, create opportunities for you to take a walk, drink a fresh cup of coffee, go for a run. It all adds up.
Show up in each other’s lives. One of the ways we can best support each other is to show up when it counts. In small moments and simple ways, we can appear by the side of another parent in a way that makes them feel cared for, loved, and seen. Let’s do this starting right now. Let’s be there for someone as we would want them to care for us.
Pick up the phone when a loved one calls. Dr. Murthy talks about this simple act as making such a difference in prioritizing relationships in our lives. Think of the message it sends when you answer a call - if only for 10 seconds - to say you can’t talk, or will call someone back. Letting someone you love hear your voice, know that you picked up for them, and feel important, is a wonderful way to show you care.
Set aside 2-3 minutes a day to call someone we care about. Think of the great Stevie Wonder song and call someone just to say you love them. Just to remind them you are thinking of them. Don’t allow the pressure of time, or your hectic schedule, rupture the relationships you need to bring value and pleasure to your life.
Create collective voices for change. Making change alone is hard. At a policy level and within your own family. Build a community of parents who can advocate alongside you (this requires that you talk about challenges!), who can help make meaningful change with you, who can support your choices and hold you accountable each and every day.
There is no question that the pressure on us as parents, coming from all around us, is new. Or that the moment is hard. The question is where we go from here, and whether or not we can do it together. I think we can. Let’s try.
A quick reminder to buy my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting, and write a review from wherever you order. Reviews really help to get the book noticed, and to spread the word. Please especially rate and review any books purchased on Amazon (it shockingly really, really matters!). Also, when you receive the book, snap a quick pic with it and post on social media. Share one thing you love about it and help me to get more copies into the hands of parents in your community. Tell a friend about the book, or about something you found helpful in the book. Parents look to each other for advice, and I’d love to be a part of the support you pass on to your loved ones.