Parental Burnout

Times are tough for parents right now

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Everywhere we look, parents are surrounded by stress. Holidays. Family events. Travel. War. Report cards. Conferences. Seasonal illnesses. This time of year, and this year in particular, feels overwhelming.

I know how it feels to try and find a few moments of joy with your kids, while you are secretly thinking about the long list of things you need to do. Or to turn off your work camera for a minute to buy something for them that just came out. Our brains are not designed to multitask. This type of stress, of strain on our attention, focus, and capacity, isn’t sustainable.

Burnout is defined by the World Health Organization as “a vital state of exhaustion,” and has only been studied in relation to parenting since 2019. In that first research publication, parental burnout was described as “feeling overwhelmed, physical and emotional exhaustion, emotional distancing from one’s children, and a sense of being an ineffective parent.” Woosh. That’s a lot.

Coming out of the pandemic, the concept of burnout became more publicly discussed, more widely felt, and of course, fuel for a list of unhelpful self-care recommendations that left many parents feeling even more overwhelmed. So now we need time for self-care, too (check out this episode of Raising Good Humans Podcast for more)?!

When it comes to burnout, you are not alone. In the American Psychological Associations survey Stress in America in 2023, they found that “compared with other adults, parents of children under the age of 18 were more likely to report that, on most days, their stress is completely overwhelming (48% vs. 26%), they are so stressed they feel numb (42% vs. 22%), or on most days they are so stressed that they can’t function (41% vs. 20%).” This is a crisis among American parents, and certainly one that feels extraordinarily acute at this moment in time.

Here are 5 steps to work on burnout today. You will notice how the 5 Principles of Parenting are baked in:

1. Acknowledge how hard parenting is. Our expectations of ourselves can be impossibly hard for us to manage, especially when we feel like we are meant to be full of endless joy and satisfaction as parents. Add to that a holiday season that is supposed to be all that and more, and it can make you shame spiral for burnout and moments of ingratitude. Put aside the “greatest job in the world” and acknowledge that this is HARD. Parenting is hard work, period. You are allowed, and entitled to feel this way. And just because you feel this way does not mean you don’t also feel joy, love, and gratitude. Humans are able to hold multiple if seemingly opposing thoughts and feelings. REPAIR

2. Check in with yourself. Do an inventory of how you are feeling. Try a few mindfulness techniques, like a pause, to get started. Scan your body for signs and symptoms of stress, and allow yourself to admit and accept what you’re feeling. Remember that there are no right or wrong feelings, that there is no shame or failure in recognizing what you may need, or in admitting that you need help. There is real power in acceptance of who you are in this current moment, and by claiming that, you can begin to heal. REFLECTION

3. Prioritize sleep over productivity. When you are depleted of sleep, everything is harder. Put aside the to-do list by a certain time each evening and focus on getting more zzz’s. Even a chance as small as 30 extra minutes per night can make a difference. RULES 

4. Take short, small breaks. Modeling self-regulation for our children starts with taking care of ourselves. When things feel like too much, walk away for a cup of coffee, a cold splash of water, or a few minutes to cry in the closet. Give yourself small moments to reset, revive, and release. REGULATION

5. Find your people. Having a parent community can make a huge difference when it comes to feeling isolated and alone. Talk to parents around you that have children of a similar age, and swap stories about experiences you are facing and ways you are feeling. Knowing that your concerns are universal can quiet some of the punishing voices in your own head. RELATIONSHIP

I hope this helps us all fight the burnout. We are in it together.

A quick reminder to pre-order my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting! In it, I’m helping you to translate science into everyday challenges, and when you pre-order you get special benefits - including a virtual seminar, and custom content specifically made for you. AND when you pre-order, you are helping me SO MUCH. Every single person who pre-orders the book, helps book sellers and shops to see that demand is high and convince them to stock The Five Principles of Parenting on their shelves. I need your help to make sure that happens, and so I promise special benefits to make it worth taking the lap to pre-order today.