Listener Q&A

Supporting healthy body image

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Hello I’m really enjoying your podcast, thank you! I have an almost 9 year old daughter who recently told me that sometimes she wishes she were skinnier, and sometimes feels she’s fat and it is making her sad. I want to support and encourage her to love her body as it is. She’s a healthy, very active young girl. Thanks.

Thanks for the question. This is a hard subject, and I’m so glad that you are starting to think about how to respond in a way that supports your daughter to feel comfortable about her body, as she goes through puberty. Thankfully, there are ways to support and model healthier body images and attitudes about our bodies, despite the unhealthy messaging perpetuated by societal norms.

To start, check out one of my solo episodes, Season 2, Episode 24 Tweens and Teens: Signs of Eating Disorders, as well as this post from last year on Talking to Kids about Body Image.

Here are a few other quick tips to keep in mind:

Eating disorders are characterized by disturbances, behaviors, thoughts and attitudes - not just toward food, but toward body size, weight, shape, and a fixation on looks.  Types of eating disorders include anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge eating disorders, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, rumination disorder, and unspecified feeding disorder, but there are other signs that may not meet diagnostic criteria and need to be taken seriously. 

Consider your own history. If you’ve struggled or are struggling with an eating disorder, you view your child’s struggles/natural curiosities through a different lens. Try to come to terms with your own experience so that you can be your best self in supporting (and separating) your child’s experience.

Look for signs. Unusual cutting of food, hiding food, re-arranging food on the plate, or restrictions of entire food groups. Making or baking food but refusing to eat it, eating at night while everyone else is asleep, refusing to eat in front of others, or frequent visits to the bathroom after meals. Newly baggy clothing, punishing exercise routines, fixation on appearance. These can be an early sign of eating disorders, and may be a sign that you need to consider action to support your child.

Promote an active lifestyle. We all need to move our bodies for our mental and physical health. Take walks together, go on hikes, learn to bike ride, and make sure that time on screens or social media is balanced with time spent outdoors.

Separate physical beauty from your child’s value. While you find your child beautiful (of course), commenting on it too often can make them think beauty is important to you, and that their value is in how they look instead of who they are. Since they can’t control all aspects of their appearance, we want our children to find value in their attributes and character, not in the mirror. When a child is continuously getting praised for a beautiful body and that body changes through puberty, they may be tempted to try and control those changes with restrictive eating or other eating behaviors. Instead, focus on the values that are important to your family and ones that are in their control and notice and name how your child embodies those.