Getting Grateful
Tis the Season
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It’s easy to look at the presents surrounding you, the endless activities, events, parties, celebrations, the family, the indulgences, and the cheer, and think, “Are my kids even grateful for any of this?” We’ve all been there.
In my practice, I spend a lot of time talking with families about the power of gratitude. Research shows that gratitude actually works to change our brains. Beyond a “nice to have,” gratitude works to improve our mental and physical health, to connect us to others, to build resilience and courage in the face of adversity. There is real, hard science to show us that being grateful is an essential gift we can give ourselves without any cost, without any materials, without any expertise. Gratitude is the magic potion that distinguishes privilege from entitlement.
I also just want to acknowledge that we can’t force gratitude, and we don’t have to feel grateful all the time. We can (and will) have complicated and hard feelings, and those aren’t times to shame ourselves for not seeing the grateful side of things. As humans, we can have multiple experiences at once. We can have hard moments or challenges AND find ways to feel grateful.
Where do we start? In the season of giving, a reminder that giving to others - through our time, our money, our thoughtfulness, or our love - is an act of gratitude. When we do for others and feel whole because of it, we connect to what we instinctively know. Feeling a sense of purpose, of connection, of bringing joy to others is a gift for the giver as much as the recipient. One easy place to start finding hidden moments of gratitude is to acknowledge the opportunity to be helpful and help.
What’s next? Beyond the acts we do for others are the small and almost invisible moments that surround us. Bringing attention to these and celebrating them can promote a sense of gratitude and appreciation. Try naming one small moment you're grateful for each day, or putting a pebble in your pocket that reminds you each time you feel it. For your children, encourage them to name one thing before bedtime, or write it on a slip of paper you keep in a gratitude jar. There are no right or wrong answers so make sure not to judge the gratitude. Remind yourself that these moments add up, and that bringing awareness grows gratitude.
How can we make it a family affair? Research also shows that acts of gratitude as a group can build and promote connections between us and loved ones. Try doing a gratitude toast by asking everyone around the table to name something they feel grateful for before you eat, or creating a gratitude tree in your home year round. Tie notes of grateful thoughts from each family member onto branches in a vase or on a small plant.
How can we remember? As the holidays fade and we return to our busy and stressful lives, physical reminders of gratitude can be helpful in maintaining this ritual. Try a kids bracelet (inspired by Taylor Swift, of course), with the word grateful or with something your children are grateful for, or a small necklace, keychain or token that reminds you to practice a moment of gratitude throughout the day.
Remember, this is a muscle we are growing over time. Try not to judge yourself or your children in this quest. I promise to stay grateful to all of you for your time, support, and participation in this community.
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