Finding your North Star
Creating a Family and a Personal Mission Statement
The holiday season can be a natural time to look toward the future, set goals and intentions, and reflect on what matters most to your family. IG posts about a “New Year and new you” can leave us feeling shame, guilt, frustration and disappointment. But one truly positive way to help your family find their North Star is to create family and personal mission statements.
In my new book, The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, I have a lot of information on creating a family mission statement AND our own personal mission statements. There are deep dives on both these practices, but here is a sneak peek of one of my favorite ways to get started. And, if you haven’t already, a quick reminder to pre-order the book for more bonus content and your very own copy next month!
Start Here.
Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write down your answer to the question “How do you want your adult child to describe you?” When the timer goes off, circle any words that seem to repeat, values that come up, and key points that come through. What emerges is the start of your personal mission statement.
I’m also resharing a post on ways to begin to craft your family mission statement. Family mission statements can feel overwhelming to come up with, but they don’t need to be. Who knows? You may just find the ease and clarity you're looking for.
The How-To’s of Creating a Family Mission Statement.
For more information on this exercise, check out the Raising Good Humans Podcast with Madeline Levine, PhD, who writes about family mission statements in her book, Teach Your Children Well.
Think through the values that are most important to you (try the value ranking exercise in Madeline’s book).
Choose 3-4 of the values you feel are most important in facilitating what you would perceive as authentic success. Discuss these as a family (with older kids), or with a co-parent.
Remember that authentic success is something YOU get to define. There is no wrong or right. Finding a way to choose values to focus on, doesn’t mean the others disappear, only that they aren’t the primary guiding lights of your bigger picture.
Come up with a simple statement that reflects these values in your family. For example, “In this family we love oranges, sleep late and wait for the walking man to cross the street” (note: I really don’t want to get in anyone’s head about values so I am keeping this intentionally unrealistic).”
Call a family meeting and discuss the new mission statement. With older kids, create it in real time over a series of family meetings. With younger kids, it can be more of a family motto. Does everyone agree? Does it feel like it represents your values? Are your kids surprised by what you chose, or does it sound “on message” for you already.
For older kids, let them weigh in on what values they feel like you promote as parents, and what they would like to focus on. Revise the mission statement anytime as needed.
For younger kids, explain that this statement is meant to help them remember what your family believes is most important and something they can remind themselves about when they are struggling with decisions.
Start using the mission statement – When you say goodbye in the morning, when you have a hard day, when you need a little extra push.
Make room for the statement to evolve as you/your family does.
Why this matters?
Manageable goals help us to have more intentional parenting.
Mission statements can help us to focus on what truly matters.
Family mission statements can increase a sense of belonging, linked with many positive outcomes (like self-esteem and confidence).
Discussions around values can help us to see everyone’s perspective and increase our understanding.
I hope this exercise is both fun and meaningful. I can’t wait to hear what you come up with.
Warmly,
A quick reminder to pre-order my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting! In it, I’m helping you to translate science into everyday challenges, and when you pre-order you get special benefits - including a virtual seminar, and custom content specifically made for you. AND when you pre-order, you are helping me SO MUCH. Every single person who pre-orders the book, helps book sellers and shops to see that demand is high and convince them to stock The Five Principles of Parenting on their shelves. I need your help to make sure that happens, and so I promise special benefits to make it worth taking the lap to pre-order today.
What great ideas! We've had many family meetings on our sectional, but we've never engaged in the creation of a family mission statement and common goals. Thanks for the guide!