Finding Your Fulfillment
A conversation about Fired Up with Shannon Watts
Thanks for reading Raising Good Humans on Substack! My first book, The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans is now available for purchase here.
In this week’s episode of the Raising Good Humans Podcast, I sat down with activist and author Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action and author of Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark Into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age, a book I was honored to be included in. Shannon shared her powerful "living on fire" formula, a practical approach to discovering what truly calls to us and how to pursue it. The support, encouragement, love, and acceptance that women can give to each other, really knows no bounds.
I share Shannon’s formula in the hopes that we can grant permission to any woman out there to continue to seek and find opportunities to feel fulfilled, and to let go of the pressure of finding only one purpose in life.
Shannon’s Fire Formula: Abilities + Values + Desires = Alchemy
This simple yet profound equation is the core of Shannon’s philosophy. It's about taking inventory of your abilities, your values, and your desires. AT EVERY AGE. This is not finite, this is a dynamic process for all of us.
Your Abilities: What are you good at? We often overlook the incredible skills we develop as parents – executive functioning, multitasking, problem-solving, empathy, and resilience. Give yourself credit for these!
Your Values: What truly matters to you and how has this changed over time? What was important to you at 24 might be different at 34, 44 and even 74. Regularly checking in with your core values provides a North Star for your decisions.
Your Desires: This is often the hardest question for women and mothers. Society often teaches women to fulfill obligations over desires. But asking "What do I want?" is not weak; it's wise. It doesn't have to be a grand, world-changing ambition. It can be small, consistent actions that lead to personal transformations.
And before you panic that you have no idea what fire you are trying to build, focus on setting many different "fires" throughout your life – small and large moments of fulfillment. This shift in perspective makes authenticity feel less like a monumental task and more like an ongoing practice.
Now, of course I can tell you that this type of self-discovery and focus is good for you. But one of the great paradoxes that I have come to see in my work is that getting mothers to do something for themselves often requires my telling them that it is good for their kids. THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE. As I have written about before, martyrdom is not good for our children. When you have other things going on, your kids don't feel the immense pressure of being the sole center of your universe. Instead, focus on teaching your children what a real and full life looks like, so that they can have a more realistic view for themselves. By living a life that makes you come alive, you're modeling a life of purpose and fulfillment for your children. This is a profound legacy.
As Shannon and I both know well, living on fire isn't a solitary journey. Science tells us about the crucial role of community and friendship in adult happiness. When you pursue what lights you up, you naturally attract others with similar interests and values. This leads to what Shannon calls a "virtuous circle" of women lifting each other up. Finding and cultivating a community may not be easy, but it really and truly matters, and it is never too late. As so many of the inspiring stories Shannon writes about affirm, our lives are meant to be lived in chapters, constantly evolving and rediscovering ourselves.
So, what do you want? What are your abilities, values, and desires telling you? Hopefully this is the small spark you needed to give yourself permission to explore, to practice, and to ignite your own authentic fire. And remember, it’s not just for yourself, but for the legacy you want to create for your children, and for the fulfilling life you deserve.
A quick reminder to buy my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting, and write a review from wherever you order. Reviews really help to get the book noticed, and to spread the word. Please especially rate and review any books purchased on Amazon (it shockingly really, really matters!). Also, when you receive the book, snap a quick pic with it and post on social media. Share one thing you love about it and help me to get more copies into the hands of parents in your community. Tell a friend about the book, or about something you found helpful in the book. Parents look to each other for advice, and I’d love to be a part of the support you pass on to your loved ones.