10 Practical Tips for Parenting During Political Turmoil and Hard Times
Raising kids with capacity
It has been a week. I am writing today in an attempt to support parents across this country who feel their own nervous systems are in chaos. Who look at their children and think, “How do I explain this moment in time?” This is not a unique experience. ALL of us, regardless of our political views, religion, race, or ethnicity are here. And though we have significant differences of opinion, of strategy, of belief, I know that we all want to raise tolerant, kind, passionate and loving children. We all want the capacity to function regardless of what comes our way. I have spent more time discussing navigating this relentlessly complex time in my latest Raising Good Humans Podcast episode HERE. I also want to give you the highlights if you are feeling overwhelmed and oversaturated!
TIP 1: Regulate Yourself First
What it is: Before you can help your kids navigate difficult times, you need to get your own nervous system to a baseline of regulation. This is obvious, except when it just isn’t. And since those of you committed to keeping informed are often most prone to going down a media rabbit hole that can make feeling regulated and feeling the capacity to function quite challenging, this one is for you.
Why it matters: Research shows that children’s stress responses are directly influenced by their parents’ emotional states. When you’re dysregulated, they feel it — even if you never say a word. Instead of absorbing your chaos, we want our children to borrow our capacity in hard times. We want their nervous system to literally rely on ours.I know this is irritating to keep hearing AND also, our kids deserve for us to keep working on it.
How to do it:
Before any hard conversation, pause and check in with yourself
Take three slow breaths, feeling your feet on the floor
Ask yourself: “Am I regulated enough to have this conversation, or will I transmit my panic?”
If you’re not ready, it’s okay to say, “I want to talk about this, but let me take a few minutes first”
Practice daily regulation habits: movement, morning breaths, evening wind-down, moments of stillness and of course connecting with friends.
What to say to yourself: “I am going to take a breath before I talk about this so I can be completely available and lend my child the nervous system they don’t have access to. I am upset but I am not in immediate danger. I can be outraged and help my child feel safe all at once.
TIP 2: Acknowledge Your Privilege and Use It
What it is: If you have the capacity to listen to podcasts, read parenting tips, and be intentional about your approach, you have resources that not everyone has. That privilege comes with the responsibility to show up with the capacity of a regulated person.
Why it matters: Some families and communities are in survival mode — facing real threats to their safety, their beliefs, their basic rights. They don’t have the bandwidth for intentional parenting right now. If you do, don’t waste it on doom-scrolling and panic. That doesn’t help anyone.
How to do it:
Recognize that your ability to regulate is itself a resource
Don’t confuse having capacity with not caring
Channel your capacity into regulated action, not performative outrage
Model for your kids that when you have emotional resources, you use them to help
Avoid guilt (it’s not productive) but embrace responsibility (it is)
What to say (to yourself): “I have the capacity to be intentional right now. I won’t waste that. My calm isn’t apathy — it’s how I stay useful.”
TIP 3: Set Boundaries Around News Consumption
What it is: Being informed is important, but being over-informed and under-resourced serves no one. Consume news in a way that keeps you engaged without depleting your capacity to parent. Remember that the news is designed to inflame and infuriate you because it sells. Don’t give into the marketing ploy.
Why it matters: Doom-scrolling keeps your nervous system in a constant state of activation. This affects your sleep, your patience, and your ability to be present with your kids. Past a certain point, more information doesn’t help — it just dysregulates you further. Walk away from sources that you know aren’t good for you and set boundaries that preserve your well-being. Further, don’t yell at strangers through social media, it’s a trap.
How to do it:
Check news at set times (after breakfast or mid day) and for limited periods (10-15 minutes)
Choose 1-3 reliable sources instead of endless scrolling
Create news-free zones: dinner table, bedroom, the first half hour of the day
Notice your body’s signals that you’ve had too much — racing heart, shallow breathing, clenched jaw, snapping — and take them seriously
Turn off the news when your kids are present or awake
What to say: “I’m going to take a break from the news right now to enjoy our time together.” This shows them they are a priority and that nothing is so urgent that they need to worry about their current safety.
TIP 4: Listen Before You Talk
What it is: Before launching into explanations about current events, find out what your kids have already heard. They may know more — or have more distorted information — than you realize.
Why it matters: Kids hear things on the bus, the playground, from older siblings, on social media. Starting with what they know helps you address their actual concerns rather than introducing new worries.
How to do it:
Ask open-ended questions: “Have you heard anything at school about what’s going on in the news?”
Be curious, not interrogating: “I noticed you seemed a little worried — is anything on your mind?”
Don’t react with shock to what they share; stay calm and curious
Fill in gaps without over-explaining
Thank them for sharing what they’ve heard
What to say: “I’m curious what you’ve been hearing. Sometimes kids talk about stuff at school — has anyone said anything about the news lately?”
TIP 5: Match Your Honesty to Their Development and Their Temperament
What it is: Be truthful with your kids, but calibrate the depth and detail of information to their age and developmental stage. This doesn’t mean you need to lie, but you need to filter for them appropriately. Remember that the impact of information that you are accustomed to is very different for them. We are desensitized to so much, and thankfully they are not.
Why it matters: Kids can sense when we’re being dishonest, which erodes trust. But they also don’t need every adult detail or the full weight of your worry. Developmentally appropriate honesty protects them while respecting their intelligence.
How to do it:
For young children (preschool - early elementary):
Keep it simple and focus on reassurance
“Sometimes grown-ups disagree about how to make decisions, and that can feel confusing. But our job is to take care of you, and you are safe.”
For older elementary:
Add context without graphic details
“You might hear people talking about things in the news that sound scary. If you hear something that worries you, you can always come talk to me.”
For tweens and teens:
Engage as thinking partners, not just narrators
“I’m also trying to figure out how I feel about some of this. What’s making sense to you, and what feels confusing?”
Ask their opinions and validate the complexity of these issues. You don’t need them to agree with you, you need them to feel safe to explore their own feelings.
TIP 6: Validate Feelings Without Fixing
What it is: Create space for your kids to feel whatever they feel — scared, angry, confused, or seemingly unbothered — without trying to talk them out of it, and without making it about your own feelings.
Why it matters: Your child can move through emotions that are acknowledged. Emotions that are dismissed can get stuck. When kids feel that their emotional experience is valid, they’re more likely to come to you with hard things in the future. Being a good listener makes it far more likely your children will share with you - but it also requires that you leave enough room for your child to think and feel for themselves. Don’t burden them with your reactions, thoughts, or ideas but be an active listener they can easily talk to.
How to do it:
Name what you observe: “It seems like you might be feeling worried about what is happening in Minnesota. “
Normalize the feeling: “That makes sense. This is a lot.”
Avoid the urge to immediately reassure or fix
Sit with them in the discomfort for a moment before moving to problem-solving
What to say:
“It makes total sense that you’re feeling [scared/angry/confused]. I’m here with you in this.”
“You don’t have to feel differently than you do. I’m just glad you’re telling me.”
TIP 7: Reassure Without Dismissing
What it is: Offer comfort and security without making promises you can’t keep or implying that their concerns aren’t legitimate.
Why it matters: “You have nothing to worry about” can feel dismissive and may not be true. But kids do need to feel that their adults have a handle on things and that they’re not alone.
How to do it:
Acknowledge the concern: “I understand why you’re worried, this is a really hard time in our country”
Offer what you can genuinely offer: “I’m going to do everything I can to keep our family safe”
Point to collective action: “There are a lot of people working on these problems”
Avoid false promises and catastrophizing
Balance honesty and hope
What to say:
“I hear you that this feels scary. And I want you to know that I’m here, we’re going to figure this out together, and there are a lot of grown-ups working really hard on this.”
NOT: “Don’t worry, nothing bad will happen” (you can’t promise that)
NOT: “It’s a disaster and I don’t know what’s going to happen” (too much for them to hold)
TIP 8: Look for the Helpers — Or Become One
What it is: When discussing hard things, also discuss the people working to make things better. And give your kids age-appropriate ways to contribute.
Why it matters: Agency is a key component of resilience. When kids feel like they can do something, they’re less likely to feel helpless and overwhelmed. Focusing only on the problems can feel hopeless; but highlighting helpers creates hope.
How to do it:
When discussing difficult news, ask: “Who’s helping in this situation?”
Point out people that are working to create change or safety - these can be any figures that you admire or respect, or just those in the community whose job it is to step in.
Find age-appropriate ways for your kids to take action if they want to (and leaving them to be kids unencumbered with the weight of it all if that is where they are):
Making cards for people who are struggling
Helping sort donations at a food pantry
Being kind to the lonely kid at school
Writing letters to representatives
Saving allowance for a cause they care about
Call a grandparent and say hi
Frame helping as a normal part of life, not a special occasion. It shouldn’t take a crisis for us to value playing a role to lift up others in our community or contribute to causes that support our values.
What to say:
“When I see hard things happening, it helps me to look for the people who are working to make things better. Can you see who’s helping here?”
“What’s something we could do to support the people who are working to help in this situation?”
“In our family, when things are hard, we look for ways to make things a little better even if that means just a small gesture each day.”
“One of the ways that we can show others we care about their experience, is to make sure that we show up for them when they need us.”
TIP 9: Talk Explicitly About Your Family’s Values
What it is: Don’t assume your kids know what you stand for. State your values clearly and regularly, so they become anchors for your children’s moral development. Studies show that children understand values early through the statement and actions of their parents.
Why it matters: Kids are absorbing messages from everywhere — school, peers, media, public figures. Some of those messages may not align with your values. Being explicit gives them a clear foundation to stand on and language for their own moral reasoning.
How to do it:
Use “In our family...” statements to articulate values. Try creating a mission statement if you don’t have one
Connect values to everyday situations, not just big events
Be consistent — values apply whether it’s convenient or not
Acknowledge when living up to values is hard
Invite discussion: “What do you think we should do here?”
What to say (examples ONLY):
“In our family, we believe everyone deserves to be treated with respect, even people who are different from us.”
“In our family, we try to help people who are having a hard time.”
“In our family, we don’t make fun of people for things they can’t control.”
“In our family, we tell the truth even when it’s hard.”
“In our family, we stand up for people who are being treated unfairly.”
TIP 10: Raise Upstanders, Not Bystanders
What it is: Explicitly teach your kids to speak up and take action when they see cruelty, bullying, or someone hurting - or to tell someone else about it - rather than standing by silently. School offers ample opportunity to be an upstander because kids are navigating learning how to treat each other.
Why it matters: As they navigate the tricky waters of public discord right now, kids need clear guidance that there are ways to disagree at home and at school (and ultimately the larger world) and to argue without cruelty. Standing up to behavior that crosses the line (set for each of us according to our values), helps children to practice and develop the moral courage to intervene.
How to do it:
Distinguish between bystanders (who watch) and upstanders (who act)
Role-play scenarios: “What would you do if you saw someone being teased?”
Give them scripts: “That’s not funny” / “Hey, come sit with me” / “I’m going to get a teacher” or if they are not safe just permission to go tell an adult privately.
Acknowledge that speaking up is scary and takes courage
Celebrate when they do it, even imperfectly
Model upstanding yourself — let them see you speak up
Discuss public examples of both bystander behavior and moral courage
What to say:
“If you see someone being treated unkindly, you have a choice. You can be a bystander — someone who just watches — or you can be an upstander — someone who does something about it. In our family, we try to be upstanders.”
“I know it can be scary to speak up. But doing the right thing is often scary. And I’ll always have your back when you try.”
“You don’t have to be perfect at this. Even just telling an adult or being kind to the person afterward matters.”
The world is genuinely hard right now. And I’m not going to pretend that a list of tips makes everything okay. But what I believe — what the research supports — is that how we parent at this moment matters. The kids we’re raising are going to inherit this world, and they’re going to shape it. So take a breath. Not because everything is fine, but because you need that breath to keep going. Stay connected to your kids. They need you. Stay connected to your values. They’ll guide you. And keep raising your good humans because that’s the absolute best contribution each of us can make.
Thanks for taking the brave - and much needed - step into the chaos of cultural conflict. As whack as things are now, I continue to believe that our kids need to be equipped for a swing back to the time when we can talk sanely about our differences.
😊 Thank you!!!