5 Things Parents Can Do to Promote Healthier Outcomes around Drinking
It’s empowering to have influence
Thanks for reading Raising Good Humans on Substack! My first book, The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans is now available for purchase here.
Last week, I shared an episode discussing the issues associated with early exposure to alcohol (check out more, here). It is important that parents understand the role we can play to promote healthier outcomes for our kids. This does not guarantee there won’t be bumps, and it does not guarantee there won’t be substance disorders, but it is the best we can do that is in our control to reduce risk. I find it very heartening to know that parents have some (not the only, but some) influence over their children's choices and decisions. If we don't think of it as blame, but instead that we are all in this together, we can focus on what we can do to better support our kids.
So, from the research, here are 5 things that parents can do that are associated with healthier drinking outcomes: (You can also see all of Professor Turrisi’s High School parent resources here).
Positive communication practices: This is TOUGH for us to do with our teenagers. Instead of always focusing on the negative, and telling them what not to do, we need to create a culture of positive communication. I always urge parents to remember that there is more we can do with open conversation and listening, than with our best logic and lessons. Instead of focusing on conversations that are scary and punitive, focus on curiosity. Ask your child about what they are thinking and feeling - instead of assuming they are going to mess up. Focus on seeing the situation from their perspective and creating an environment of positive communication practices.
A strong relationship: Science tells us that a strong parent-child relationship is one of the single most important factors in our child’s overall well-being. That’s why relationships are one of my 5 Principles of Parenting. Therefore, it’s no surprise that a strong relationship with trust between you and your child, unconditional love, and genuine connection provides for healthier outcomes around drinking. If our children know that they can come to us, we have the opportunity to make meaningful change and provide important guidance in hard moments. If we have close connected relationships, then our kids will know that if they make a mistake, they can come to us.
Modeling behavior: We are the most consistent role models for our children. That’s not to say we can never drink or serve alcohol in our home, but only that we need to consider the habits we are modeling regularly, how and why we are drinking, and what messages we are sending. Take a moment to think if your habits are healthy. How much and how often do you drink? Do you drive after drinking and brush it off? Talk about feeling hungover or drinking too much? Or do you simply model celebrating every occasion with a drink, or giving your kids small sips at special times? Consider what alcohol use looks like in the culture of your family, from your child’s perspective, and make whatever changes you think may promote healthier habits for them.
High Quality Monitoring: The point of monitoring behavior is to be aware of, and in touch with, your child’s behavior, whereabouts and friends. It is NOT about catching your children in a lie, overstepping boundaries, or suffocating your kids. High quality monitoring isn’t intended to embarrass your children or undermine trust, but instead to be able to offer guidance around choices your child is facing. Professor Turrisi suggests that we start this monitoring early for our children, routinely getting to know other parents, asking questions of our child and their friends, and offering help as a means of keeping tabs on events. For example, Professor Turrisi likes saying, “Are there going to be adults at the party? Can you leave a cell number for me so I can ask them if they need any help?” as a way of suggesting that your child learn how adults show up for each other.
Rules in your home: You know how I feel about rules (another one of my 5 principles!) Setting clear, consistent and appropriate boundaries and limits is an important parent responsibility, especially around substances. We cannot shirk away from this responsibility just because we know they are going to make mistakes around drinking, and our fear does not mean we need to change the rules to accommodate them. We have to communicate clear expectations while still expecting them to make mistakes, as they grow into the young people they will become. It is a tricky balance, but it is possible.
A quick reminder to buy my first book, The Five Principles of Parenting, and write a review from wherever you order. Reviews really help to get the book noticed, and to spread the word. Please especially rate and review any books purchased on Amazon (it shockingly really, really matters!). Also, when you receive the book, snap a quick pic with it and post on social media. Share one thing you love about it and help me to get more copies into the hands of parents in your community. Tell a friend about the book, or about something you found helpful in the book. Parents look to each other for advice, and I’d love to be a part of the support you pass on to your loved ones.